Intro from Brad: nAnd now the grand old opera theater proudly presents  na special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos  nn             [E                  A] nWell, its a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday n  [B]                            [E] nWhatever you do watch what you say n          [A                   B        C#m] nIf youre easily offended well thats okay n        [A]                                                   nIts a completely non-offensive and  n[B]                       [E] npolitically correct holiday nn[E] nWe catch up with our three cowboys one cold  nDecember night huddled around the camp fire. nn[E] nHow bout we sing some holiday songs?  nYeah, hey George, you wanna lead us off? nYeah, I got one. n                                                                                                   n      [E                 E] nOh -------- tree oh -------- tree  n        [B             E] nhow lovely are thou branches nn[E] nWhy am I getting bleeped again? nHavent you heard guys? You cant say --------  nyou gotta say Holiday nI cant say --------? nNo you might offend somebody. nWho is offended by --------? nYou know you might offend the ----- and the -----  nand the atheists. nWhat? nTime to politically correct. nIll lead this off. n                                                                                  n         [E]                            [B           E] nOn the first day of -------- my true love gave to me nn[E] nJimmy, are you listening?  nWhat?   nYou cant say --------. nWhy not? nIf you can say ---- on the last record. nWhy cant I say --------? nI didnt make the rules. nHey listen guys, its not that difficult,  nall you gotta do is change -------- to Holiday. nYou know, instead of saying white --------, you say  nIm dreaming of a whi---- Holiday. nWhy did I get bleeped?  nYouve got to say Caucasian. nSo I have to sing, Im dreaming of a Caucasian holiday? nSure, that wont offend anybody. nn             [E                 A] nWell, its a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday n[B]                              [E] nWhatever you do watch what you say n         [A]                     [B       C#m] nIf youre easily offended well thats okay nnWhy do these people have to feel that way?  nHow come they get offended so easily? n                                                                                      n           [A]   nIts a completely non-offensive and  n[B                    E] npolitically correct holiday nn[E] nIm just trying to come up with a song here. nLets sing one together, everybody ready? George? nReady. nBill your ready? nIm ready. nJimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy? nOkay! nn                                                                 [E                    B7       E] nWe three kings of --------  are  n[E]                       [B7        E] nbearing gifts weve traveled real far. nn[E] nSorry boys, you have to say Asia now. nWhat? nOh, come on just try. nIve got to get hyped up for this. nn[E] nWe three kings of Asia are.  nn[E] nThat sounds like horse---- nOh lord, okay. How bout Little Drummer boy? nNope, that offends short people. nAnd you cant say drummer cause  nthat will offend real musicians. nHow bout little hahaha- town of Bethlehem. nWhats this with all the short jokes? nHey how bout we do Silent Night? nNo, itll offend people whos hard to hear  nand afraid of the dark. nWhat did he say about a shark? nSHARK?!! nThis happens every year. nn             [E                 A] nWell, its a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday n  [B]                            [E] nWhatever you do watch what you say n        [A]                     [B       C#m] nIf youre easily offended well thats okay n                                                                             [A]                 nIts a completely non-offensive and  n[B                   E] npolitically correct holiday nn[E] nHohoho! nNo. nI cant say ho? nNo you might offend some women. nSo basically we cant sing anything? nI think that a bunch of bull----. nSofter George, its more effective. nI think that a bunch of bull----. nWait just a dang minute, nIve ------- never been so ------- mad in 85 years. nYou now what? I dont care who we offend,  nIm gonna sing -------- carols  nif I wanna sing -------- carols. nLouder Bill, its more effective. nI dont care who we offend, nIm gonna sing -------- carols  nif I wanna sing -------- carols. nMe too. nn[E                    A]                                                              nWe wish you a merry --------,  n[F#]                      [B] nwe wish you a merry --------,  n  [G#                  C#m]                       nwe wish you a merry --------,  n      [F#      A     E] nand a happy ne--- year. nn[E] nWe cant say new; itll offend the old folks.  nAnd you better not offend themus!  nnYah!! nnhave a merry Christmas!